THE AWESOMEST SUMMER
by ghostermaster420bongs
Summary: Nothing feels better than falling asleep on the floor, or your desk. Seriously. You should try it. I mean git a pillow and blankets, yeah, but it is sleep nirvana.
1. The Busride

Foreword with Vernon and Ford:  
-IM-PASTA-BOWL-

"Jesus, why do we have to keep doing this. I'm really getting ticked off. I mean, the first one wasn't funny, neither was the next one, and this one is gonna suck too." Vernon growled. "I hate the Awesomest Days. And I HATE YOU. Yes you, for reading this, and saying 'lol vote 5, karaniyuki is cool.' I am sick of doing these episodes and I swear to god I'll punch you in the eyes if you make me do one more chapter."

"That's cool," Ford said, "because he's doing something else. He's ripping off someone else, because he thinks they were inspired by him, so he wants to inspire them, however that works, so basically, he hasn't got an original thought in his body."

"Does this mean we don't die?" Vernon asked.

"Not for a while," Ford replied gruffly.  
---------------------------------------------

STUPID BORING DISCLAIMER: I don't own Psychonauts, The Gorillaz, Five Iron Frenzy, or any other stuff I mention. I do own a custom Vernon hoodie though.

I also do like SongMeanings, horribly inaccurate as they may be.

OTHER DISCLAIMER: I'm not actually funny, I just like writing and suffer from extreme ADD. I'm not even trying anymore. You'll probably recognize most of the jokes here.

-  
(I know I am so copying off that other person. Listen, I liked their idea, so I did the honorable thing and stole it. Wouldn't you?)

Vernon yawned, kicking up his feet onto Raz's seat on the bus. "OH GOD!" Raz yelled, as Vernon happened to be wearing cleats, with poison tips. Razputin died.

"See you at respawn point, sucker," Vernon laughed, as Razputin flashed back into existance at the back of the bus.

"God that hurts like a mother." Razputin moaned, getting into his seat again, lowering his head. Vernon grabbed his MP3 player, not a sleazy overpriced iPod, flipping on the song All Alone by the Gorillaz.

"You know that song's about-"

"I KNOW!" Vernon yelled, kicking the seat in front of him, tearing off the back cushioning. "I like it anyway! I don't sell out just because it's about-"

"Hey, don't kick my seat," Lili sighed. "Wait, what is that song about?"

"It's about-" Raz began. However, he was interrupted by the bus squealing to a stop and tipping half-way over a cliff.

"Whoa! We're all going to die!" Dogen screamed, tears welling in his eyes.

"This calls for El Manana," Vernon said, changing songs.

"HAAAAAAAAANG ON," the fat busdriver manlady yelled, to the whole bus, over the intercom. Most kids' ears were not only plagued by her raucous voice, but by the horrible feedback afterwards.

"Oh god, we're going to fall!" Bobby Zilch feigned, running to the front of the bus and crashing into it, tilting the bus off balance.

"WE'RE FALLING!" Vernon squealed, as the bus began turning and the kids were suspended in midair. "This calls for the song White Light."

"That song is about all your drug trips and lies becoming real, not death," Raz mentioned.

"I don't need your Songmeanings bull, Raz. White light means death. That's why they say don't go into the light. Songmeanings is full of druggies and... little kids."

"We're still kind of little kids. I mean I just turned eleven this summer," Raz said.

"HERE COMES THE PAIN, CHILDREN!" Fat Bus Driver squealed, as the bus hit the water, crumpling before its tension, and continuing to crumple as it dove deeper, killing all the children.

They all flickered into existence on the highway. "This is just like when I ditched the jeep in City 17," Quentin reminisced. "Man, Half-Life 2 was so awesome."

"Don't worry children," Fat Bus Driver groaned. "The bus will spawn any second now."

And it did, falling out of sky onto the conglomeration of children.

"For Christ's sakes," Raz sighed, spawning inside the bus again.

"GUYS HELP" Vernon yelled, wailing his arms, forgetting to put punctuation at the end of his sentence, "I SPAWNED HALF-WAY INTO THE BUS"

"You'll lag out of it when we start moving again. AND PUNCTUATION AT THE END OF A SENTENCE!" Vocabulor yelled, disappearing into the night.

"How does he disappear into the night when it's early morning?" Lili asked, looking confused. Razputin sighed. "Love works in mysterious ways."

"That has nothing to do with the paradox he's created."

"You know what?" Raz yelled, standing up. "Did I even ASK YOU!"

"YES." Lili responded loudly.

"NO, I DIDN'T," Raz yelled angrily. "DON'T MAKE ME MAKE OUT ON YOU."

"I'LL DO THE SAME THING!" Lili yelled, also standing up. They proceeded to do so.

"Wow, that's romantic," Franke sighed, suddenly flashing into existence next to Vernon. "We should do that. I mean, if we were dating. If yoiu liked me. I mean no, I mean, ye-no, YES I'M AWESOME!"

"Well. I am curious of how tongue tastes," Vernon sighed, suddenly dismissing the thought from his mind. "But we have to build up this relationship through sometimes serious moments in the story, all ending of course in comic relief and something moderately cute."

"So wait, you do like me?" Franke asked, as Vernon suddenly held up a memory eraser from Men in Black, and flashed it.

"Why are you sitting next to me?" Vernon asked, as Franke blushed, running to sit next to Kitty instead.

"KIDS WE ARE HERE!" Fat Bus Driver squealed, suddenly exploding. The kids waited a few moments in shock and awe, after the bus crashed into the GPC. They stared at the chunks of the exploded corpse.

"Wha... we're mortal now?" Kitty asked, in sheer awe and sorrow.

"Don't get lost in heaven," Benny sobbed, walking over to the corpse gibs. "I'm so sorry."

A single tear dropped inbetween the chunks, as Benny sighed, walking out of the bus first.

Near the GPC, the children erected a single gravestone; reading: "Rest in Peace, Fat Bus Driver. Your name was misleading, I don't think you ever passed Driver's Ed, but we'll remember you for teaching us the meaning of love, life, and happiness."

"This calls for Every Planet We Reach Is Dead," Vernon thought aloud, switching songs yet again.

"OH SHUT THE HELL UP!" Raz screamed. 


	2. Ow, My Logic

-  
FOREWORD: Would I really parody death like so? Am I that cold?  
Yeah, duh, I've been doing it.  
-  
DISCLAIMER: same old same old --------------------

Vernon yawned, playing an acoustic guitar, dangling his legs off a rock near the GPC. It was about three in the morning, and Franke listened in to him secretly. She hid behind a rock, crouching down and looking up at him, silhouetted romantically by the moonlight.

"The untimely death of Brad..." Vernon yawned, strumming, picking, and any other methods of playing guitar I forgot.

Raz jumped up on another rock, also trying to secretly impress Lili... more, for some reason, with a bass. He began a thump-thum-thump rhythm with Vernon's song, as Bobby Zilch climbed onto a rock, hitting up a sweet drumroll and getting a jazzy beat going. From the ground, Lili pulled out a saxophone and Franke pulled out a trumpet.

"Kills like nothing ever could! Dark and jaded world I hated, everything I left behind, I don't need you and I don't want you, world that left me blind!" Vernon yelled, as the music went quieter and quieter. Bobby Zilch brought it down with the toms and sidesticks, as Lili made a mysterious air with the sax.

Vernon screamed the guitar into life again, chord after twanging chord. "PLASTIC BAGS OF NOVACAINE! SOME PCP TO KILL THE PAIN! YOU BUILD A TOMB TO STORE YOUR RUST, MOTH-EATEN PILES OF BLOWING DUST!"

Everyone stopped. "Whoa," Raz mentioned, "that was awesome."

"Yeah," Vernon said. "We can be a Five Iron Frenzy tribute band! We can go on tour and Reese will say, 'wow they do care' and he'll make the real Five Iron Frenzy again and sue our pants off!"

"YEAH!" Raz yelled, as suddenly their instruments exploded.

"Wait," Bobby noticed, "who was playing sax and trumpet?"

Everyone stared around as Lili and Franke fled, like Joe and Jeff playing splinter cell - horribly. They ducked behind a tiny signpost, as everyone stared at them. "I see you there," Raz said.

"Y DIDNT U GIVE ME ASSAULT" Franke yelled, hitting Lili in the back of the head.

"What are you kids doing up this late?" Sasha asked, holding a loaded glock and turning it sideways.

"Wait, first don't kill me, second, Sasha is a gangster?"

Sasha fired off one round, hittng Raz in the leg. Raz screeched, falling to the ground. Bobby Zilch pulled out an M4A1. "Don't move, scum."

Sasha put his hands up, as suddenly Bobby Zilch was stolen by flaming ninjas.

"Why..." Raz asked, from the floor, "is this so reminiscent of a hacked Halo PC game...?"

"YEAH-HOOOO" Quentin responded from a flying Warthog that shot rockets at lightspeed.

"Christ!" Sasha yelled. "The GPC! First a bus, now rockets?"

"GUYS TURN OFF FRIENDLY FIRE" Quentin yelled, forgetting his punctuation, while shooting at Sasha frantically.

Phoebe yawned from the gunner seat, as suddenly they ceased to exist in a flash and a horrible screech.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Raz asked, now back in normal leg-condition.

"I launched the return to normality." Sasha responded. "Since you keep SCREWING WITH THE SYSTEM."

"Oh," Raz responded.

"Man, I feel so... OOC... I need a shower." Lili mumbled, walking away from the group. 


	3. New Kids Attack

Vernon sighed, falling asleep on Franke's arm during orientation. "BEWARE THE BEAR AND BE CAREFUL OF THE NEW PSYCHIC SPIDER CATERPILLAR GROSS THINGIES," Oleander yelled, hitting Vernon with a stick he was using to point out parts of his sloppy orientation drawing.

"Huhwha?" Vernon asked, snapping awake.

"ALSO, I AM NOT A BAD GUY ANYMORE. I GOT HAXED BY MY DAD I ADMIT BUT IT'S ALL COOL NOW."

"Ow, my ears!" Elton yelled, covering said ears. "Turn off caps lock or you'll attract a giant lungfish!"

Coach Oleander stared deep into the soul of Elton, before just hitting him with his stick.

Elton began to spaz out, knocking Milka off her seat, yelling "CHILD ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE" just like Wesley always would in sixth grade. I remember Wes. He was way cool.

"Son, I will throw you in a barrel out to Lake Oblongata, and so help me, that barrel will be filled with deadly poisonous centipedes, toe fungus, fire, and you will catch a serious case of death."

Elton had a spaz attack and fell out of his seat, as Coach Oleander began looking for his barrel.

"Anyway kids, being de-brained sucks and never be stupid. Read." Sasha concluded the orientation, and everyone was silent.

"That went over better than usual," Milla said, walking out. "Usually someone dies."

Everyone was silent. What, you expected my usual irony?

You read me like a book, because Elton exploded.

Just then a new kid walked in, along with in fact, a gang of new kids.

"WHAT UP, MY DOZEN COUSINS?" The first new kid yelled. He was wearing sunglasses, a cool black jacket, dark blue shirt, and green pants with yellow shoes. His hair was orange and INCREDIBLY poofy. Yes, poofy. Stop telling me that's not a word, spell check.

Anyways, he sat down. "Sorry I conveniently missed the boring part of orientation! Anyway I'm here with my homies, and yes, that is a word now that I added it to the OpenOffice dictionary, Mashi, Jon, and Kenny. We're here to break your stuff, especially necks."

"I hate Jon," Mashi chirped. She was wearing a weird Aquabats shirt, with neat arm-warmers and crazy pink hair. She also had completely white (not as in bleached, a la Micheal Jackson, but a mix of all colors. R:255, B:255, G:255) skin. On top of that, she had cat ears with weird fur-stuff growing off them. Her pants were also... gothy pants.

"Yeah, I'm Jon. I'm going to Hawaii to break people's heads. Or I was before I got sucked into the FANFICTION UNIVERSE." Jon claimed. Jon was... Jon. Shut up. I don't know what he looks like, but he has huge eyebrows. In fact, that's the fun of this story, if any. Make up your own Jon!

Kenny, meanwhile, was emo, in a weirdo package. He wore a bright orange sweatshirt that blinded the suddenly revived Elton. He also had these ugly jeans that were about 10 years old, and he hadn't taken them off. Ever. He also had glasses. Yeah. He's the only person in Psychonauts with _prescription glasses._

"I am so not emo," Kenny yelled, reading the words on the fourth wall.

"Anyway, where are our cabins?"

Coach Oleander stared them down.

"CAN I NOT BUNK WITH JON?" Mashi yelled.

"CAN I NOT BUNK WITH KAR?" Kenny yelled.

"CAN I BUNK WITH FIVE IRON FRENZY?" Kar screamed.

"CAN YOU TURN OFF CAPSLOCK," said the now deaf Elton.

"Chill out, Helen Keller," Kar said, _hip_ to the fact that Elton was blind and deaf. He was not _hip_ to the fact that making fun of the mentally disabled wasn't politically correct now that we had a mentally disabled president. OH! BURN!

"What?" Elton shouted, falling into the Phantom Zone.

"God, shut up," Oleander moaned. "Anyway you guys all have the same cabin. With ALL THE OTHER BOYS."

Everyone besides Kar was crying. Meanwhile, the entirety of Five Iron Frenzy hopped over a bush and started playing Juggernaut.

"Awesome! AWESOME!" Kar exclaimed.

"This song is on my MP3 player," Vernon noted. "But now, I have the LIVE EDITION, which doesn't sound half as good as the normal edition! AWESOME!"

"THANK YOU GUYS, EVEN THOUGH WE BROKE UP A WHILE AGO, WE WILL RISK MAKING A TIME PARADOX." Suddenly, Five Iron Frenzy was sucked out of existence.

"Anyway, kids, now that we've had our awesome, FREAKING AWESOME type orientation, we're going to go sleep. IF YOU DON'T SLEEP TONIGHT YOU'LL BE SLEEPING FOREVER." Coach Oleander yelled.

Milla sighed. There's no real significance to this event, besides the fact that she forgot it was orientation, pulled Sasha very close, and started making out on him while Sasha looked almost scared. The kids looked on in sheer terror and awe. Vernon stared blankly, while Franke clasped her hands together and grinned. Kar felt his blood run cold while Mashi was trying to shove Raz and Lili together. Jon was asleep on the ground, and Kenny had already left.

"Miss Vodello," Sasha yelled, "First of all, you're moving too fast, second – did you forget that it was orientation?"

"Yeah," Milla said. "Didn't you read that?"

"Oh," Sasha responded. "Sorry."

They turned red and ran off-stump in separate directions. Coach Oleander stared blankly. "Children, disperse."

The kids were still shocked, Mashi so close to getting Raz and Lili to make out. The coach closed his eyes and screamed, "NOW!"

Everyone scrambled.

--

Raz fell asleep on the ground just outside his cabin. Lili fell asleep in her bed, but was moved next to Raz by Lili and her evil RazLili schemes. Kar fell asleep on the bunk atop Jon's. It fell down and killed Jon.

"Whoa dude," Jon noticed. "I'm a ghost now." He flew back into his body and came back to life after Jeremie returned to the past and... screw it, there's a line on how many obscure references I'm gonna make.

"Oh sorry I killed you, Jon." Kar said.

"No problem," Jon replied.

--

Everyone woke up early besides Kar, who rolled out of his bed five hours late. He fell and broke his arm. Coach Oleander stared at him. "Kid, you mind _HEADING TO CLASS?_"

"Where is class?" Kar asked, as Coach Oleander took of his hat and sucked Kar into his head.

"Oh."

--

Elton threw an explosive paper airplane in the "mental dentist's office" as all the kids waited for Kar. He fell out of the ceiling and landed on Jon, who died.

"Oh, sorry I killed you, Jon." Kar said.

"No problem," Jon replied.

"This is the start of a brilliant running gag," I thought to myself.

Kar punched down the door before Coach Oleander even started talking. "Don't worry guys, I've _played the game._"

"You punched the door," Lili remarked cynically, as everyone was sucked into the vortex of all things lame.

"Sweet! A Sonic Popsicle with gumdrop eyes!" Razputin yelled, grabbing for it. It melted. "Oh, lame."

"Hey, an X-Box 360." Lili pointed out.

"I knew that joke was coming up," Kenny pointed out also.

"Pointing out is fun," Vernon claimed. "HEY WHAT'S THAT?" Vernon yelled. He pointed at the entire collection of Naruto manga and anime.

"Of all people, Oleander," Franke yelled towards the sky, "you should know that belongs in the _Valley of the Infinitely Mediocre._"

Kar opened it up, staring at it. "These are _awful_ Japanese translations. Someone call Vocabulor, my God..."

"YOU CALLED?" Vocabulor asked.

"Not really, I just wanted to call you. We can handle this one."

"HOLY APOSTROPHE, BATMAN!" Vocabulor yelled.

"BALEEV ITT," a strange dubbed Naruto screamed over and over.

"WHY GOD WHY?" Lili screeched, pulling out her hair.

Oleander, meanwhile, turned his eyes inside his head like all the kids did in sixth grade. "What are you kids doing in the vortex of all things lame?"

"Hiding from Naruto," Vocabulor cried, disappearing into the night.

"But it's always a hot day in the vortex of all things lame," Kar mumbled. "_DAY, REFERRING TO THE PERIOD OF EACH 24 HOUR CYCLE IN WHICH THE SUN IS SHINING!_"

"Thanks a bunch, Junior Vocabulor," Mashi yelled, biting off Kar's head.

"No problem," Kar said, growing back another head.

"What the heck?" Vernon screamed.

"ANYWAY YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN," Oleander grumbled, shooting them into Basic Braining.

"Watching Harvey Birdman internet streams while writing fanfiction is a bad idea," Kar noted to nobody in particular. But I heard him. Watching the Goon Broadcast System while making fanfiction was also a very, very bad idea.

Anyway, the kids rushed down the bridge, heading for knowledge, and fun. Kar snagged figments out of the sky.

Nils hopped from blimp to blimp,until he fell to his death. Elka followed, through tears. "Nils! I'm coming!"

"Well," Kar looked around, getting to a minefield. "That was painful."

Dogen stood scared. "Why is it that I made it past all the jumping puzzles and gaps with my stubby feet but can't make it over a minefield? HELP!"

"No way," Mashi said, passing Dogen by.

"Yeah. Just look at the ground. It's easy." Kar mentioned.

"BUT I HAVE NO NECK!" Dogen screamed, bursting out in tears.

"Hey hey now," Quentin said. "Hey. Kitty. Chillax. Capital C. Relax. Chill. Drums. Scratch."

Dogen blew up Quentin's head as he fell in a beautiful display of rag doll physics down the "bread sticks" wall, hitting a bunch of them, falling into oblivion. Dogen did a... triple take!

--

"Wow, that was such a descriptive battle through the Basic Braining. I loved that new X-Wing part," Kar exclaimed.

"What are you talking about? We've been standing at the minefield for 3 hours." Mashi made clear.

"Yeah," Jon remarked, "but the thing is, we can pretend. I'm sure we all got the smelling salts, right?"

"No," everyone replied simultaneously.

"Oh. Later," Jon sighed, disappearing.

--

"Wow, that was such a descriptive battle through the Basic Braining. I loved that new X-Wing part," Kar exclaimed.

"Man, shut up," Mashi growled, falling asleep outside the minefield.


End file.
